Day 21: Can I go on? (Friday 18 November)
November 19, 2011 2 Comments
Can I go on? Is this too much for me? Should I just give up now?
These were all the thoughts running through my head, and murmurings coming out of my mouth this morning.
I felt like hell when I woke up. I could barely get out of bed, shower and dress. I was exhausted.
I had one fever before bed last night and another one in the wee hours this morning, so I was wet through again. I don’t feel like I am making any progress, and I think the side effects of these treatments are worse than chemo.
I showed up at the hospital for the blood test this morning and was a wreck. I had no idea how I would or could muster the energy to go through with SPDT and HiFU today. The doctors came in to see me and decided that given the state I was in I should have a day off from treatment. They hooked me up to the usual vitamins and KLT, plus some other stuff, and I just slept the day away.
The blood test revealed that I am anaemic again which at least provides me with an explanation for why I am so out of breath and out of energy at the moment. At least I’m not imagining things. All the other indicators from the blood test were normal.
It’s hard to pin down an exact cause for my anaemia but apparently it is quite a common side-effect of cancer.
What’s harder to explain is the incessant fevers that I’m dealing with. Today my temperature nudged 38 for the whole day. This evening back at the hotel room I burned up again and wet through all my clothes. It just seems like it is never ending.
The only explanation for the fever that we can come up with is that it must be a by-product of the SPDT, HiFU, or both. The HiFU zaps the tumours at between 65-85 degrees Celsius inside the body. That’s hot. Surely the excess heat has to get out somehow? Surely the process of both these therapies that cause spot-heating internally could account for my fevers? The doctors here say no. They have theorised that my fevers are as a result of the climate here, or that maybe I’m getting a cold. I have travelled to many places in my time, and I have had many colds and flus. I don’t agree with this diagnosis and, of course, I told them that. They tell me that no other SPDT or HiFU patients, even with more and bigger tumours than mine, experience fevers like I am experiencing. Maybe I’m just special?? We live in hope that the fevers are caused by the tumour cells dying and the body excreting them.
The medicos decided to stick to plan and keep tomorrow as a day off. When I go back in on Sunday I will ask for a B12 infusion and see if that helps the anaemia. Meanwhile I am going to try to eat as much meat as I can get my hands on, which isn’t too easy around here. Maybe I will have the strength to venture out tomorrow for lunch or dinner and go to one of those steak houses that Geoff suggested.
Thanks to Kylie for recommending Midnight in Paris. It was a good, relaxing Friday night movie.