Day 25: Four seasons in one day (Tuesday 22 November)

Melbournians know only too well what it is like to experience four seasons in one day. But they generally get to experience the seasons through the weather. Today there were four seasons in my head. I was flat as a tack this morning. I got to the hospital and fell asleep almost as I got in to the bed. They started me on some drip or other and I didn’t even bother finding out what it was. After an hour or two they got started on the blood transfusion, which would turn into a six hour process. At some point Julia started delivering the sublingual chlorophyll drops but I was out of it while she was doing it. She had to call my name every few minutes to wake up just enough to get me to open my mouth and take the drops. Her job wasn’t easy today.

I had a break from drops so that I could have some lunch and Brad came back to the hospital to sort out some food. I could barely speak to him I was so down. I perked up a little after eating the food that Brad spent 40 minutes getting from the cafeteria, but that didn’t last long. Soon after the food I started to spiral down again and started to cry.

Bad thoughts entered my mind. The usual stuff. Has my time come? Am I really just meant to die of cancer? If the tests show that this treatment isn’t working what do I do next? Go back to Perth and die? To Chemo or not to chemo? Mexico? Cuba? Germany? It made me upset thinking about it so the best thing to do was to put myself back to sleep. Fortunately, I do have an inordinate ability to sleep more than anyone I know, so that wasn’t too much of a challenge for me.

I juggled the sleep-drops combo in the afternoon until Julia made me wake up to go for HiFU. I was a bit too lacklustre to walk there today so I asked to be taken in a wheelchair – the slight advantages of being hospital bound. They toned it down a bit at HiFU today so that wasn’t as taxing as it could have been.

Dad said I managed to make him a little happier when I spoke to him on the phone tonight even though I definitely sounded like crap – I am not sure how I did that! I hate the fact that I am causing so many people to worry about me and I wish it could be different. That said, I do appreciate all the care and concern.

When Stevie P called this morning he got the half-awake me. I made him do most of the talking and just chimed in when I had elucidating advice to dole out (Stevie needs it every now and again). I have set him on a mission to make homemade limoncello that he can bring when he visits Australia (he has been threatening this for a while). Now he’s decided he’s willing to get on a plane with 48 hours’ notice. Oh, it’s going to be fun when I play that card!!!

Bloody El made me cry like a baby tonight – but she didn’t mean to. She sent me a link to the song “You Gotta Be” by Des’ree because she heard it on the bus this morning and thought of me. It’s all about being strong and staying on track. It was an exceptionally nice thought and I bear all the responsibility for the tears!

Someone who didn’t make me cry today, but who made me laugh out loud, was Rob S. When Rob’s email came through tonight and I started laughing Brad wanted to know who the message was from. How do I explain Rob? A former student-politics adversary turned friend and professional collaborator. Here’s why I lol’d:

You are braver than a guild hack doing a dirt run at UWA during daylight hours.

It may not make much sense to many people who read my ramblings but to those of you who were involved in UWA student politics in the mid to late 90s it will make perfect sense. I don’t propose to get bogged down in there detail here. Let’s just say that it’s a good thing I only started earning money after the Statute of Limitations for defamation had expired!!! Thanks for the note Rob, I appreciate it.

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One Response to Day 25: Four seasons in one day (Tuesday 22 November)

  1. LindaS says:

    That is pretty brave indeed! I wish that you werent having to be so strong & brave all the time but faith, hope, love – I think you are right. xoxo

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